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Sunday, November 7, 2010

With a Thud !

The First  Prize  winning story written by D.Prateeka Reddy , 3rd Class, in Pillalaku Je Je * Pillala panDuga at Prabhava in the category , mudda banthi ( Sub- Juniors).
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With a Thud !

*
Once upon a time, a Cave Man came to Nellore .
And, suddenly a Rock Star came and landed in the same place.
Both , the Cave Man and the Rock Star , looked face to face.
I was watching it.

Both of them talked  in Telugu for  few minutes and then, they quarrelled.

The Cave Man didn’t know that the Rock Star is a rock star.
He thought, the Rock Star was also a Cave Man like him.

And, the Rock Star thought that the Cave Man was also a Rock Star . Because he looked  just like him.

All of a sudden, the Cave Man became mad . He took an iron rod and hit the Rock Star.
The Rock Star fell on the ground. After a minute, the Rock Star got up . He took another iron rod and hit the Cave Man.

He hit the Cave Man so hard that the Cave Man’s head broke into two.
It’s miracle that the two pieces of  the head got fixed again, with in a minute !

The Rock Star took a sword ,at the same time, the Cave Man took a sword . 
Both of them started to fight.
It was a very serious fight.

I was eager to know who was going to win?
But, suddenly I  got a doubt ,
‘These two people were very friendly  in the beginning but, I don’t know why they are fighting now! ‘
I left that .

Everyone were shouting.
Some for the Cave Man and some for the Rock Star.
I too shouted.
“Rock Star ! Rock Star !”

And, at last, the Rock Star won.
I felt very happy.
Each one who shouted for the  RockStar  got a very very big and surprising gift.
I went two times in the que. So, I got two gifts.
By that time, the party held at our school had completed.
I felt sad for a moment . 
After that , I felt happy that I got two gifts.

***
D.Prateeka Reddy,3rd class.
29-10-2010,Prabhava , Story Writing Competetion.

***
Edited Version
Editor :Narayanaswamy,kottapaali,
***
Once upon a time, a Cave Man came to Nellore .And, suddenly a Rock Star came and landed in the same place.
Both the Cave Man and the Rock Star stood face to face
I was watching them.
Both of them talked  in Telugu for a few minutes and then, they quarrelled.
The cave man didn’t know that the Rock Star  was a rock star.
He thought that, the Rock Star was also a Cave Man like him.
And, the Rock Star thought that the Cave Man was also a Rock Star ,because he looked  just like him.
All of the sudden, the Cave Man became mad . He took an iron rod and hit hte Rock Star.
The Rock Star fell on the ground. After a minute, the Rock Star got up . He took another iron rod and hit the Cave Man.
He hit the Cave Man so hard that the Cave Man’s head broke into two.
It’s miracle that the two pieces of  the head got fixed again, with in a minute !
The Rock Star took a sword ,at the same time, the Cave Man took a sword . Both of them started to fight.
It was a very serious fight.
I was eager to know who was going to win?
But, suddenly I  got a doubt ,
‘These two people were very friendly  in the beginning but, I don’t know why they are fighting now! ‘
I stopped thinking about that.
Everyone was shouting.
Some for the Cave Man and some for the Rock Star.
I too shouted.
“Rock Star ! Rock Star !”
And, at last, the Rock Star won.
I felt very happy.
Each person whoshouted for the  RockStar  got a very very big and surprising gift.
I went twice in the queue So, I got two gifts.
By that the party held at our school had completed.
I felt sad for a moment .
After that ,I felt happy that I got two gifts.

5 comments:

కొత్త పాళీ said...

Great job. Great imagination.
However, it has many grammatical and usage errors (నాలోని అపరిచితుడు బయిటికొస్తున్నాడు). While encouraging the children, these errors should be corrected so that the children develop a respect for the language.

By the way, it is "competition".

Prabhava said...

కొత్తపాళీ గారు,నమస్కారం.
ఆ మార్పులు చేర్పులు మీరే సూచిస్తే , మరింత బావుంటుంది.
పిల్లలకు మార్గదర్శకంగాను ఉంటుంది.
ధన్యవాదాలతో..చంద్ర లత

lalithag said...

రాసింది మూడో తరగతి అమ్మాయి కావడంతో బాగా అనిపించింది.(ఈ సారి సరిగ్గానే చూశాను కదా?)
ఇక పోటీ నిర్వహించిన వారూ వారు ఒక పద్ధతి ప్రకారం evaluate చేస్తారు కనుక ఆ విషయంలో ఏమీ చెప్పాలనిపించలేదు.
ఇంకో విషయం, ఆంగ్లం వీరి మాతృభాష కాదు, మొదటి భాష కూడా కాదు అనుకునుటున్నాను.
ఐనా కొత్తపాళీ గారి వ్యాఖ్య చూశాక నాకు తోచిన లింకులు రెండు ఇస్తున్నాను, ఇక్కడ టీచర్లు writing ని ఎలా evaluate చేస్తారు, పిల్లలకు ఏం నేర్పిస్తారు అని ఉదాహరణలు చూపించడం కోసం.
http://www.teachervision.fen.com/tv/printables/07AAAM13.pdf
http://www.teachervision.fen.com/tv/printables/07AAAM21.pdf
అరిగిపోయిన రికార్డులా నాకొచ్చే ఆలోచన / ప్రశ్న ఒకటే. ఇలా కాస్త వెతికితే ఆంగ్లంలో ప్రావీణ్యం సంపాదించడానికి బోలెడన్ని వనరులు. తెలుగులో (అంతర్జాలంలోనే అని కాదు) అసలు టీచర్లకు ఉపయోగపడే ఉపకరణాలు ఏమిటి? తెలుగును "భాష" గా బడులలో ఎలా నేర్పిస్తున్నారు?
తెలుగులో వ్యాకరణం సరే, వాక్య నిర్మాణాది విషయాలు ఎలా నేర్పుతారు?
ఇక్కడి వాళ్ళూ, వాళ్ళ విద్యా విధానం గురించి complain చెయ్యడం విన్నానులెండి.
రెండో భాష నేర్చుకునేటప్పుడు నేర్పించే విషయాలు మొదటి భాష (ఆంగ్లం) నేర్పేటప్పుడు పట్టించుకోరని!
Anyway, బాలోత్సవం నిర్వహించిన వారికీ, అందులో పాల్గొన్న వారికీ అభినందనలు.
(ఈ వ్యాఖ్య ప్రచురించక్కర్లేదు. ఉపయోగపడితే చాలు.)

Suhana said...

nice story :-) i think u watch a lot of telugu movies, do u?

ramana said...

I always appreciate these little kids. Its a great thing that they are able to write poems, at their age we only learnt abcds....